My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
