Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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