I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
