That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
