So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
