he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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