And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
