Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize