my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
