Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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