dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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