hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
