I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
