Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
