Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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