So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
