so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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