he shaved USA in his pubs
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
