dude i'm inner monologue high
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize