New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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