why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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