what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
