we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
