so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
