You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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