do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
