he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
