you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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