tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
