Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
