NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
