so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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