if you like me you must not know who I am
Your face is a jimmy john
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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