dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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