forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
