eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
