When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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