what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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