He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
