to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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