I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I will be naked everywhere
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I didn't notice because vodka
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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