I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
