I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
