I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize