I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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