New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
