we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
