i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
