There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
