I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
