I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
