bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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