I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
