I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
