There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
