The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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