Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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