you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
