AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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