I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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