So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
