It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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