soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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