Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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