Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize