Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
