just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
