Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
