it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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