you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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