Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Threesome in a minivan. New low
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize