how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
