just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
