Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
