I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
