"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
