Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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