Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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