is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
