Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
