she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
