Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
