Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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