Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
