I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
