Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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